Do you ever feel sometimes like you are holding your breath?
That you’ll let it out again when this thing is done, or that thing is done?
I wonder what makes us feel that way?
It’s maybe the stage in life that we find ourselves, or the crazy, fast paced society that we live in. Perhaps it is work, or family, or even just ourselves applying the pressure. Regardless, it is very hard to just let go and breathe.
I wonder has this just become a state of mind now, so innate that we don’t realise it even. A nation, a world, of breath holders.
Any working parent will have felt the pull, the guilt, when they leave their little ones to go earn and make provision for their future. The tears at the nursery door, the missed first words, and steps, and moments. Believe me, I know, I’ve been there.
Or the job that takes over everything else, so much so that you can’t remember the last time you actually slept, and stretched, and smiled. I’ve been there too.
And it sounds so morbid, put like that, doesn’t it?
Striking the balance between work and life is difficult. They are two very wobbly stools that we often fall between. Of course I’m sure there are those that do it beautifully, in fact I know there are, but in my experience something usually tends to suffer.
When I left my job a few years ago, it was in a blaze of glory. A quick, knee-jerk, irrational decision. I was unhappy, finding it difficult to keep all the balls in the air. I have always been an over achiever, a people pleaser, a perfectionist some might say. Mr M’s term for it is somewhat different – I’m sure you can imagine. But the feeling of just not doing it right niggled at me. I was too divided, spread too thin.
And so I left. And then I panicked.
What about the huge financial implications? Would I make it through a whole week, let alone a month, a year, at home with three children under 5? There are always, always worries.
Leaving work is not a possibility for some, nor a desire for others, and in some cases it isn’t even the issue in the first place. I understand that completely.
I guess the moral of my story is just to take a moment, think what little changes would tip the balance in life’s favour. Start small, choose life.
For any Grey’s Anatomy fans, in my head this is read in Meredith’s voice, voice-over style. I told Mr M and he laughed out loud. Read it again- do you hear it too??
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